Saturday, June 17, 2006

Roller Coaster

There are so many times I find myself doubting the decisions I have made. This happens in all the arenas of my life with regularity. The last few weeks have been the roller coaster of uncertainty regarding my art business. I have to say, I love and hate being an artist and I find it incredibly difficult to separate myself from my art. I am emotionally attached for better or worse.

The problem, naturally, comes when I need to have a business head for matters and all I want to do is follow my heart. It is then that I find myself shouting at my husband, "I just HATE doing this! I'll just stay at home and be a mom!" This is, of course, my idea of a sentence worse than death (many apologies to my beautiful friends who stay at home and do an incredible job of raising their children).

I keep trying to remind myself that I am, in fact, a successful artistic business woman and I have scored a major job that is the equivalent to any show. It's hard. I try, but I am convinced down deep in the heart of me, that I am an imposter and one day I will be found out. I feel this slowly changing, but it is still mostly true on any given day. May the future be kind.

1 comment:

Ket said...

i hear you sister. i am a self-doubter to the core. it really gets me nowhere but i can't seem to escape it.

what's funny is how we don't seem to doubt each other. i am constantly impressed (and a little bit envious if you want to know the truth) about the life and business that you are creating for yourself. i have no doubt at all that you will succeed and, in many ways, already have.

so, you have been found out: are you very good at what you do. i'm proud of you!