Overheard At Bedtime

momma: Here Hayes, put these on.

Hayes: (excited gasp) Are they new?

momma: Yeah; you're getting so big we had to get new ones!

Hayes: (inspecting the new boxers, looking crestfallen) Why to they always say "Hanes?"

momma: Well, that's just the kind we know fits. Should we look for a different kind next time?

Hayes: Yeah! Some that say "Hayes" instead!

The Big One

It's funny how having children leads us to more self discovery than anything. Today at church we began discussing what our purpose is in having a "children's program" and ended with a discussion about what the gospel really is. Not your typical church service, I admit; neither are we your typical church. Our goal is to come back next week with some specific needs that our children have, or things we would like to develop in our children and see how our church can and cannot meet them. I have no doubt that this will reveal much about what we, ourselves, believe about the gospel and it's effects in and on our lives.

This is scary to me.

Needless to say I am more liberal in my theology than even I ever would have predicted. I do not see eye-to-eye with most evangelical ideas and fundamentalist principles. I balk at the thought of teaching the children anything like what I was indoctrinated with. I am afraid that any attempt at this will fall short and our children will be worse off for it.

However, the thought has occurred to me just today, that although in the last several years I have decided that the church would not be a good place for spiritual formation (ironic, no?), that our church, in fact, is not your typical church. We have beliefs about God that run the gamut. We have about as diverse a group of people as I would believe possible. And yet, more importantly, we have this commitment to one another that surpasses anything I have ever encountered in the church at large. We have stayed together because of this, even though we do not all, praise the lord, think alike.

So although I am still as nervous as a cat on a hot tin roof, I am willing to enter into this discussion -- the big one -- about what the gospel is and how we wish to see it played out in the lives of our children. I am willing to trust these people I love so dearly because they are committed to me too. We are not likely to run out on one another simply because we disagree. We are willing to be pushed a little in all directions, even when the stakes are as high as messing up with your own children. God help us all.

Faking It

There is a delightful little article in a recent New Yorker, the one with the delightful cover of Dick Cheney and Heath Ledger. It's about a man who woke up one morning on the subway in New York with absolutely no recollection of who he was or how he came to be on the train. The blurb goes on to discuss how excited he is about learning new things, even about himself, that he is delightfully childlike and pure.

And then there is the suggestion that, because there is no physical evidence to understand what happened to cause this sudden and complete loss of memory, he is faking it. It made me laugh out loud. And it made me wonder, what would be so awful that it would make you want to reinvent yourself like that? Especially in that way? And it made me wonder even further, if I could start all over, blank slate and all, who would I be? Or perhaps, how would I be? Intriguing little question...

Fat Tuesday

Lent begins tomorrow. I always try to make a meaningful sacrifice for Lent. It's not always easy. I feel that it needs to be something I will miss so that I will be reminded of Christ's sacrifice often during this period. And it should be something that I rejoice to have again at Easter. The typical sacrifices, red meat, chocolate, other food items, usually leave me feeling shallow, like it won't be enough for me.

But this year I find myself knowing that TV is the thing I have to give up for lent. I really don't want to, but it's been at the front of my mind for the past 2 weeks. Nothing else seems to compare. So for me, starting tomorrow, there will be no Boston Legal, no Project Runway (the agony! I'll miss the final episode), no Academy Awards (even though I've been in a mad dash to see as many nominated movies as I can), and no (big gulp here) What Not To Wear. I have run the gamut on the TV spectrum, from being to poor to have one, to banning the evil technology from the house, to falling in love with all it has to offer. As I am currently in the loving it phase, I am sure this sacrifice will hold it's weight this year. Pray for me folks. Tomorrow the ashes....

You Can't Hold On To Them Forever

I created this piece yesterday as I was reflecting on motherhood. It really conveys how I was feeling. (And how I still feel.) I like the way the hand is symbolic of holding and yet it is also reminiscent of the myriad of projects created by small children in which they trace their hands. And I like the way the little mirrors echo the Madonna and Child; I love that you can quite literally see yourself in the art. Hopefully, other mothers, will see themselves figuratively as well.

Project Runway

I am addicted to the show Project Runway. I can't get enough. I love to see what the challenge is and what sort of drama develops as the designers try to meet the deadlines. As an artist, I find it inspiring. I truly am a nosy person, and reality TV makes it so easy! Santino is one of the designers this season. He is the opposite of Coco Channel, the minimalist designer. Instead, Santino adds and adds and adds until you think it's impossible to add anything more and then he adds again. This collage is was inspired by his design style. I just couldn't help myself. Santino, this one's for you!

Changes

Many of you know that we have for years shared a family bed. I wasn't sure about it at first, but it was clearly what our child needed. My parents were certainly not happy with it, but the more I researched it, the more evidence I found that it was actually a good and healthy thing. Mostly, our culture has decided that it is important for babies and children to sleep alone and therefore we encourage them to do so. And secretly, I was glad to hear it. I love that we all have some time together, safe and cozy. We established a rule with Hayes as he got bigger and our bed seemed to shrink: He would start the night in his own bed and if he woke up and needed some company, then he was welcome to come in and join us.

So I have mixed feelings about Hayes's recent development. Tonight was the fifth night in a row that he stayed in his own bed all night. He has never had a string this long, ever. I love it that he's not scared and feels comfortable knowing he can be with us if he needs it. But I am sad that I haven't heard his little footsteps pattering down the hall at night this week. It doesn't help that Richard is away and the bed is bigger and emptier than ever.

My Aunt called this morning around 3:30 to let us know that a new little Lahti was born: Matthew Christopher. We weren't expecting him for another couple of weeks. It was such fabulous news! She was so excited to be a grandma and I was so excited that Chris is a dad -- he has waited a long time for this. Don't tell Hayes (or my folks), but after that phone call I couldn't sleep, so I crawled in bed with him for just a little bit. He stayed asleep, but I needed a little warm fuzzy from him. He's growing up -- it's really happening.

Metro Paris

This is an altered book spread that I just finished for a Paris book I am doing. I really love it. It's possibly my best. I should start teaching this again....