How is it that last night when my child says to me, "You are my very best mommy ever," and gives me this wonderful hug, I practically melted; yet today, when I found crayon scribbles on the carpet and sofa cushions (yes, it is possible to write with crayon on fabric surfaces) I wanted to yank his little arm off? Rage is not a pretty thing. And really, my meltdown had nothing to do with the actual crayon markings (which he said he did to surprise me -- it worked). It had everything to do with may having asked him to get the mess of broken crayons and papers cleaned up 15 minutes prior to finding him there, in yet a larger mess. Oh, and also with him laughing as I am trying to convey how upsetting his choices were and how disobedient he has been. And perhaps the fact that he pulled apart my favorite necklace earlier this morning didn't help matters.
These are the moments when I think I will never make it as a mother. Ironic that Mother's Day is just around the corner. What do you do when you are sure you are going to throttle your child and that, perhaps, he deserves it? I walk away; I call Richard; I leave the boy in his "time out" area. But in reality, I'm ashamed of myself for letting my emotions get a hold on me like that. Should I have spanked him? He is not battered by any stretch, in fact, my parents seem to think he could use a spanking a bit more. But it seems to me that as the adult, I should be able to check myself a bit better. How do you deal with a stubborn three-year-old?
So when this precious little prince wakes up from his tantrum-induced nap, we will no doubt pick up where we left off, hopefully with less emotion and more reason (at least on my part). I am a big believer in natural consequences. If you make the mess, you clean it up. It could be a very long night for little man tonight. There is one Hell of a mess in that playroom; he didn't help himself any by throwing that tantrum. And I hate it that I will have to be the one enforcing the punishment. Ah the joys of Motherhood. Thank God I was the "best mommy ever" last night. All hope is lost for tonight.