And in the in between times, when I'm not feeling numb or overcome with grief, I am struck at how odd it is to feel so sad by the loss of a life that I never truly knew. Yes, this was my child, but it was only 7 weeks old, I didn't know it's gender, or it's smile, hadn't heard it's cry. And it's more than just the death of a dream, or even a dream deferred. It's a deeply rooted sadness, and an unexpected one. Perhaps unexpected more out of ignorance than anything else. As a sweet friend said, it probably speaks to a deeper mystery about life that we just can't comprehend.
And so it goes. We will plod along, and spring will come, and life will begin to bloom again. I take heart in that. But for now we are quietly awaiting it, trying to look toward the sun through our tears.