Inspiration (or, God Help Me)

It just arrived in the mailbox. I've been trying to screen myself from it -- I knew it was coming. I've been deleting the emails with the will of an addict resisting her drug. I should have thrown it in the recycle bin the moment I glimpsed the corner of it peeking out from the pile of mail I was carrying. I did not. Instead, I caved. Temptation over came me and I just couldn't help myself. The new J.Jillcatalog is here. And if that wasn't enough (and I assure you it well could have been), their new campaign is littered with knits and titled "Find Your Way Home."

Just kill me now.

Of course I'm not one to rush out and buy these things -- no, no. I sit at home looking and re-looking at the catalog until it is bedraggled and unrecognizable. I dream of all the knitting I could do that would be inspired by such beautiful sweaters, and tams, and cozy, cozy cardigans. It's certainly not about trying to knit it for less - that was my grandmother's generation, or because I've seen the fashion from some far off place and have no access to it (dear god, they send it like a pusher selling crack). It's more about having a deep need to feel as though I've made something for our family, provided in some way. And the need to create and conquer a pattern secretly knowing about all the flaws and mistakes no one else can see. And, in some small way, the desire to make a dent in the global destruction that is industry.

As such, I am sure there will be much mooning over fibers in the knit shop, and discussions of pattern altering and creation. And maybe, just maybe, I will find myself with gift cards to the Village Yarn Shop after Christmas this year so I won't bankrupt us through my obsession. But I assure you, the obsessing has begun.